I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
