i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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