My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think my mom watched the whole time
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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