I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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