just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
