She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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