Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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