Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
