Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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