ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
