Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That accounts for only three of the penises
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
