In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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