I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
