i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
