Me too!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
