you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
false alarm. still invincible.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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