ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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