I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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