can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
