Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this will be a night to untag.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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