Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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