I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
