this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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