You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
