You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
