I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
