i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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