He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
