I'm so fucking centered right now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
