there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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