It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
