Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
