i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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