Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
