Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
