best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
