No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize