just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just googled if crying burns calories
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
