He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
