just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
third nipple confirmed
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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