Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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