hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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