I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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