One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
