call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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