Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
