I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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