Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
