My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize