What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
