There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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