i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I supernannyed him into submission
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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