Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize