Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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