I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
