i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
