I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
