Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
