Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
