Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
