using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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