Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
