Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
