Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
