I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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