Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
