I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
