its not stalking. its research.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
