So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
