well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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