A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you made out with another girl for some wings
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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